I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
