he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
