They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
