And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
