I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
