He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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