Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
