dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
