Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
