Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
