Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
