i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
