I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
