He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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