so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
