why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
