i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
