i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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