If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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