Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
