he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
