I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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