i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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