Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
