How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
