i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
