I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's never too late to be topless.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
