I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
