I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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