I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize