umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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