how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just want to make out with him forever
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
