During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
