do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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