it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
