I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is it because I queefed?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
