Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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