im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
