So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
