I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
