will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
