He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
