did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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