I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
