My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
