I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
