Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
