I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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