girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
