3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i think my tv is drunk
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
