im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
