I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
