I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
