Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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