I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
