I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
