I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.