I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry