Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
