Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.

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  (908): Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim. http://tfl.nu/snt6
  Replies (21) Good night (1139) Bad night (3943)
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  (315): View more from New York

  just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again

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  (315): just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again http://tfl.nu/dkz6
  Replies (15) Good night (1067) Bad night (3861)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.

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  (570): Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice. http://tfl.nu/vtyg
  Replies (31) Good night (1166) Bad night (4702)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

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  (678): Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend http://tfl.nu/u7rd
  Replies (8) Good night (5186) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.

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  (469): Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved. http://tfl.nu/jqlw
  Replies (14) Good night (825) Bad night (2756)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like

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  (914): Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like http://tfl.nu/plug
  Replies (19) Good night (910) Bad night (1905)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.

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  (781): I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone. http://tfl.nu/b6do
  Replies (6) Good night (828) Bad night (1069)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.

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  (865): Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this. http://tfl.nu/hz85
  Replies (11) Good night (1982) Bad night (550)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react

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  (484): You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react http://tfl.nu/5bkg
  Replies (7) Good night (1418) Bad night (404)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard

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  (780): I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard http://tfl.nu/fp3r
  Replies (7) Good night (811) Bad night (463)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke

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  (317): Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke http://tfl.nu/8yqx
  Replies (3) Good night (848) Bad night (636)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?

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  (630): Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo? http://tfl.nu/ndaq
  Replies (2) Good night (779) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I want your cock.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd

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  (904): I want your cock. (910): All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd http://tfl.nu/l1ri
  Replies (11) Good night (846) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.

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  (517): I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning. http://tfl.nu/kpo2
  Replies (3) Good night (430) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.

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  (617): the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it. http://tfl.nu/pyx3
  Replies (3) Good night (1128) Bad night (264)

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