Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
