The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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