somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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