How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
