I'd wear matching sweaters with you
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
