the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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