Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
