Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my shit smells like andre
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
