Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
