yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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