He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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