I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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