OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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