don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
