My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
