I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
