4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
