my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
