your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
