Don't make out with my wife yet
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
