Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
