sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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