Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
All the doctor said was why
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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