Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
