Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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